


My Boxers

by Gadhar



Category: Expendables (Movies)
Genre: Boxers, Domestic Shenanigans, Gen, cursing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-10
Updated: 2014-09-10
Packaged: 2018-02-16 20:24:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2283384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gadhar/pseuds/Gadhar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I swear to God, those better be my boxers."</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Boxers

**Author's Note:**

> Uh, at this point, I'm just giving Barney a hard time.
> 
> I own nothing.

"I said, _don't touch anything._ " Barney has the distinct feeling that this is what his mother might of felt like. Once upon a time. And therefore, he's now supposedly the father of this weird little family he has and he's not sure he likes that. 

At all. 

His jaw is clenched so tight right now you couldn't pry it open with the jaws of life. 

"I _didn't,_ " Gunner swears. And then again and again on his parent's grave, the graves of every man he's ever killed, and the _tallemaja._

Despite the obvious clues, it's the fact Gunner doesn't swear on something science-related, that Barney knows he's lying. With Gunner, nothing is sacred. Not your mom, not your religion, not your goddamn toothpaste. But say something bad about chemistry and he'll have that Bowie knife against your throat in two seconds. 

"I can see that you did. Did I leave my boxers dangling off the lamp? Huh? _No?_ Yeah, that's what I thought. Why are you even going through my drawers?" Barney's trying really hard not to yell. Not because he doesn't want to and not because he's worried what Gunner will do, but because he knows that the others guys will come running and Barney does not need an audience. 

Or that many people in his room. 

Gunner doesn't say anything at first, just stares at his shoes and Barney has a sudden thought. 

_"I swear to God, those better be my boxers."_ Because if they're someone else's...Barney doesn't even know. He just knows they better be his. 

Gunner looks up and he's grinning, positively grinning. And the tightness around his eyes tells Barney he's this close to busting out laughing. "They're yours, I _swear-_ " 

Barney just gives him a look. Something he last used on a dictator from the gulag who swore to high heavens he'd never even _heard_ of Russia. Ignoring the fact he had the soviet flag behind him. 

And _it's fucking Russia._ Who hasn't heard of it? 

"Promise," Gunner says instead. "I promise. I was just looking for some gum." 

" _Gum?_ What do you need _gum_ for?" He's never even _seen_ Gunner near gum. 

_"To chew."_ Gunner rolls his eyes like Barney is the dumbest thing since the screaming llama thing that was on Bootube thing. Or maybe it was a goat? 

"You never chew gum. Ever. And you're supposed to be cleaning your guns, not going through my _stuff._ " 

"Well, I'm trying to stop with the chew okay? Gum's the next best thing." Gunner shrugs and already starts heading towards the door. Leaving Barney there, alone, blinking like an idiot. 

And then Gunner has to toss, "Besides, why would I even _want_ to go through your stuff? At least Yin had some porno mags," over his shoulder. 

_"Shut the fuck up!"_ Barney nearly screams and he turns around, intent on _murdering someone,_ just to have Gunner hide behind Toll who just _happens_ to be walking down the hall. 

Regardless of the fact that Gunner's a freaking giant and couldn't hide behind a damn sumo wrestler. 

"You did this to Yang? I can't believe you! I don't need to know this shit, damn!" He spends far too long leaning out of his doorway, hurling curses at Gunner's retreating back as Toll holds him by his shirt. 

"Fucking screaming llama. Fucking Bootube." Barney swears not one member of his team was this annoying until Lee showed them that video. It has to be some kind of curse or something. And leave it to freaking Lee to start it. Hell, he just dealt with Lee not even an hour ago and he's probably already got the whole fucking house against Barney. 

"It was a goat," Toll chuckles. "It was a goat and it's _YouTube._ You're so _old._ " 


End file.
